Dec 20th, 2016
When I feel all the burdens surrounded me, I need a hug, a hug but continuously.
But somehow I can't see the opportunity beyond of my imagination, I need an escape.
To meet some people, new people, cool people, great people, in person, out there.
Maybe I need to live my dream again and challenge my own limit.

I think I depressed about the facts that happened to my life lately but the problem is, that I don't please anyone to come and caring me. I don't need it literally, but I still need it in my darkest side.

Dec 21st, 2016
I think that I'm very very happy to see you again as a person.
To start another chit-chat, to ask general question about my appearance, I think it is the way to make an ice breaking with me and I would like to say thanks! But, I dunno, why do I only can say a short answer without asking why and how. I lose the valuable opportunity to make a great conversation with you. I'm busy with my forehead while sweating, with my hand while it is getting cold, with my heart rate while it is running rapidly, when I'm in front of you.

To see you in the luncheon time, and witnessed you as our 'priest (?)' on Dhuhr time, and Ashr time are so priceless.

Dec 22nd, 2016
I prepared myself to ask you about mountaineering, the plan, exercise, recommendation, and bla bla bla. when I fulfilled my bottle with some water in pantry. I knew it is the right time to ask you. I knew your pattern, you often arrived at office at 10.30-11.00 and at this time, you will arrive at the second and entering pantry to take a glass. It is the time, and I already here.
If I'm going to kill you, you can call it as pogrom because it already planned.
But, I'm going to love you, so that you can call it as loving you intentionally. (Apa sih, Ni?)

Well, yeah, I prepared myself with all those questions in my mind, but click! when the door has opened and I saw your face there, at the same place with me, holly sh*t. I'm freezing, like a teenager adoring her senior at school.

Maybe today, I would ask you directly or indirectly. I knew, I knew, the unspoken thing will leave a regret someday and I don't want it happened. At least, I can say those magic words before I'm too late.

Dec 23rd, 2016
Last night, I dream about you. So many chances for us to talk. Even in my dream we didn't make any conversation but we communicated thru our gestures. The eyes, the moves, the steps, and bla bla bla.
I always there wherever you are, and so you are. I felt so close with you even with no words.
Suddenly, I found you on the next door of one of my grandma's room, fell asleep alone and I don't want to wake you up. But, in a second, I saw you open your little eyes when I decided to close the door and leave you sleep tightly. Then, I knew, you already knew what I've done. In a second, I'm awake and your little eyes are still on my mind.
Is it only a dream? Yes, it is. So, could it be a real thing? I dunno, but let's hope!

***

Well, maybe sometimes you'll find this childish-teenager ala-ala's part on myself. Actually, this feeling is good for me at this time to convert all those negative vibes and I used to choose to be happy as I am and enjoy every little moment that makes me happy. He doesn't need to know about this, because I don't expect more. He doesn't need to know that he always plays on my mind, because I know he has his own business as to do lists. I don't mind if someday he fell in love to the other one because as I said before, I don't expect more and let he does all the activities as usual without any disturbances. Whether this feeling will be faded away or not, I'm just okay whatever will happen. But, yeah, just enjoy the moment, and hopefully God guide me to the right path.

And for you, whoever, that will be my future one, if you are reading on this article and you realized that this is not you, pleaseee don't be jealous or going angry or judging me. I really hope you can understand that this is the part of my life in the past. And me, the person who's stay with you now, only an ordinary person, as you are, a person who could be so lost. Someday, I'll thank you so much, because you found me, choose me as your last destination, and loving all my flaws as I am today. Thank you, thank you, thank you. :')

Suddenly, it warms my heart and I feel like all of my problems disappear. Magic!

Yesterday, I felt lack of energy and all I want was holding someone's else or hugging someone's body that really means to me.
I dunno what to do then... since I have no significant others. So that, it's my job to manage all of my emotions when PMS is coming...alone~

Then, I saw you... My little crush...
I knew I'm late to be included in your shaf (rows) on Maghrib time. But, at least, I can see your face, your eyes, and your little gesture when called my name quietly. It happened when you finished your pray and before I start my turn.
The fact, at that time, I only can say, "Hey~" in a deeply, quietly tone too.

Suddenly, this moment warms my heart and I feel like all of my problems disappear. Magic!
I think you are the magic of mine~ You have mantra to calm me down, but I'm pretty sure you don't know about your talent at -- this secret skill tho~
Because, (maybe) it only affects to me. Idk.

So, in a warm condition, I did my pray solely to ask God and hope God will show the great of du'a.
*Finish*

I came out from musholla, and found you has ready to go out with your friend to enjoy the Friday night!
Yeah, it is your right, and hopefully you got some fun out there, didn't you?
*Skip*

In the meanwhile, my heart got better after saw you, and just okay if you want to have some fun with your gangs, so that I decided to go to the toilet and passed you out.
*entering restroom*
I saw my appearance on the mirror.
I think, everything is going okay, but I realized that there is a piece of small paper be right next to my cheek! Dayummmmmm!
That paper is smiling to me, it is located right on my cheek, Gosh!
It smiled at the moment when you called me several minutes ago,
It smiled when you saw me passed you out.
All those moment are happened with the paper on my cheek and all I can say is,
"I'm just okay. REALLY, I'M JUST O...KAY! :')"

Right here... and none tell me it's there... :') Image Source: Healthtap.com

I only can't repeat the time back, and I had mixed feeling.
The warmest moment turned to be the most shameful moment (for me). lol
I'm giggling... and justttt okayyyy~ haha huhu

The fact, you are the only person that I like at this time and I don't want to look messy or bad or freak when I'm in front of you. I know, I only need to be myself. But I know (too), everyone has intentions to show his/her best version in front of their crush.
Maybe, it is not a real love, but lust!

*THE END*

Aahhh.... God!
This mixed feeling is something!
At that time, I still thanked to You to make it be a nice moment and I'll pretend that he will always like me just the way I am.

I think I've just made a spoof text!LOL

“Spoof is a text which tells a factual story, happened in the past time with unpredictable and funny ending.”

I hopefully there's a chance for us to make some conversation and to know each others.
So yeah, you have a hidden magic that (might be) only works for me and I have many weirdo things that (might be) only can be seen by some people.
Thanks for appearing!

Well oh well, busy -- is kind of word when you think you have so many things to do and in a rush to make those things get done. But, I realized, busy is only a paradigm, usually use as an excuse to run from other thing that you don't want to do --and sometimes your schedule is quite tight. Then, I might be said that I'd rather be a productive person, than a busy person.

About a month ago, I really appreciated a person who has an ability to maintain the engine, maintain the rhythm well, and yes, probably he is great one on his field.
Then, after two weeks, I think, it is the time to ask about my assumption about him. (Maybe it is too fast to jump in to this part) Yeah, I conveyed to him that I'm pretty sure he has so many lovers out there.
The aim why do I ask this kind of question to him because I have read his pattern already!
He's often changes his profile picture, got so many interactions by some ladies, and he said he was so busy, all day ~ but he still has some times to update this and that.
Actually, the way he talked to me are good and friendly, but he keeps the conversation short and then away, giving a short greeting and then away. Sometimes he didn't come back to reply the messages but you still can see he has just updated some status thru his timeline.

Again, my assumption is: He demands an existence. It's not wrong, it is his own right.

Basically, he denied the fact about he has so many lovers and denied about the fact of still has a relationship with his girlfriend.
He said that the girl that I thought his GF is not his GF anymore, "She's my ex," he said. Boy, please...
It turned me to make a gap with him and whispered to myself, "Okay, dude, what you gonna do after this? I'll watch it."
I also see so many facts appeared after I told this case to my best friend, Mardyana. The fact came in the right time, and yeah, I don't need an explanation from him directly. Internet said it all, social media said it all, by the way. :p

The fact is, I knew he is a honest person, but he is a great human being who expert in hiding the fact that it is not supposed to be delivered. He said he's on holiday in certain city, that's true. He said, he was so busy to assist a professor from overseas on the same city, that's true. He said, he is on seminar and learn something new on the same city, that's true. He said, he met his old friend on the same city, that's true. So, you saw the pattern, rite?

Yeah, the hidden fact about his pattern are the facts about he did all those activities on the same city and he didn't said he did all those activities with his loved one, someone that he claimed as his ex.
Maybe, he has in his own right to say something that he needs to spit out and to not say something that he think it needn't to. But, boys will be boys.

He is a honest person by saying the fact partially, but he keeps hiding the other fact. For me, it's something, it's interesting!

My hypothesis, this is his way to maintain all those ladies well.
But, I don't want to be his food reserves on his spider's web. So, I take a flight and say: bye bye, Bro.

I put him from a stranger to be a stranger, again. 
You might be think that I involved my feeling to this case, but it's not.
Just because I know this kind of person just coming to me when they feel so lonely, when they have no friends and no activity to do. So, he decided to kill some times to chit chat with a stranger, in this case, I help them to kill their time by chit chat with a person like me, a stranger, maybe someday to a person like you too.